The problem

Many psychology books teach you that a bad action doesn’t make you a bad person.

It’s one of the most useful tips for parents to talk to their children. Mine didn’t know about it, so I grow up with a strong mental structure “I did something wrong = I’m bad”.

It took me several years of self-reflection to understand what it’s not true.

What took me, even more, is to understand that you are not equal to your work. It’s kinda obvious consequence now, but it wasn’t so obvious before. By “work” I mean not only your professional activities, but anything you do and strongly associate yourself with.

Now I want to talk about this issue in general, tell you how I solve this problem for myself, and reflect on the future results.

Reasons and results

To understand how to distinguish yourself from your work, it’s important to first discuss why this happens. You know, the first step of solving a problem is to accept the fact, that the problem exists.

There are several common reasons why people become tightly attached to their jobs. Sometimes it’s just because of one reason, but in most cases (like mine), multiple reasons are involved. These are the most common:

• Passion and Identity. Some people discover their passion and purpose through their job (me). When individuals utilize their skills and time for their projects, they can feel proud of their achievements. This can make it hard to separate from their work since it is a big part of their identity. Every work achievement became your achievement, but every failure became your failure as well.
• Perfectionism. People who want to do their best in their work can become really attached to what they create. They might be afraid of messing up or not doing a good job, so they keep working on their projects over and over again. This can make it hard to tell where their personal life ends and their work life begins.
• Recognition and validation. Getting positive feedback from colleagues or the public makes people feel more attached to their work. Feeling a sense of accomplishment from recognition makes it difficult to take a break from work-related things. Everyone likes to be praised. Good work = good me.
• Career Advancement and Ambition. People who want to succeed in their careers may focus more on work than personal time. They might believe that working hard all the time is the best way to get ahead, which can make it hard for them to balance work and personal life.
• Fear of Losing Control. Some people are afraid to take a break from work because they think they’ll lose control over their projects or their quality might suffer. This fear can make it hard for them to disconnect from their work
• Work Culture and Expectations. Companies that promote being too involved with work make employees feel like they have to constantly be working. This can make it hard for people to set healthy boundaries. Especially combined with previous reasons.
• Financial Pressures. Some people may choose to hardly focus on work because they need money to support themselves or their families. We live in the real world (at least until the Matrix theory hasn’t been proved yet) and money is still one of the most why people do something. The fear of losing a job or financial security makes people feel strongly attached to their work.
• Lack of hobbies. If someone doesn’t have any fun things to do besides work, they might not want to stop working. If they don’t have other ways to have fun, work can become the only thing they think about. It was so true for me because all my professional work happened as an evolution of my hobbies.
• Personal legacy. Some people connect their self-worth to their professional legacy. They want to create something that will have a long-lasting impact, which can make them feel very attached to their work emotionally.
• FOMO. The fear of missing out on things makes people take on too much and forget how important it is to set limits.

As you can see, there are many reasons why you can be tied together with your work. And… they sound mostly… positive? I thought they do. So I thought that I’m doing the right thing.

Honestly, I still believe that only people, who are passionate and who are working most out of them are able to truly change people’s lives and our world in general. But… non of them could keep their sanity in the end. Eventually, if you’re pushing anything too hard, it might become a problem, addiction, obsession, etc.

I personally worked mostly in creative industries and I was always so passionate about things I did. So, I did my best to make everything as good as I can.

If I did — I’m good.

If I didn’t — I’m bad.

Let’s imagine you’re an artist, and things are going well. But then something happens — paint becomes too expensive, or you can’t sell your paintings, or maybe AI technology starts to feel like a threat. Whatever it is, it leads you to start feeling like you’re not good enough anymore.

Or you’re involved in a tech startup, where work and personal life can blend together. Employees often work long hours and are expected to be available all the time. This can cause high turnover rates and mental health problems. Some startup employees have reported feeling burned out and anxious because of the constant pressure to do well.

Even now when remote work has become more common. People often have trouble setting clear boundaries between work and personal life. This can cause mental health to decline and job performance to suffer. And when performance suffers… you got it. You could think that you’re doing badly and take it too personally.

And if you’re a passionate remote artist in a tech startup… Chances are multiplied.

As a result, you may experience burnout, damaged relationships, and reduced quality of life. I know I did.

There is a lot of information available about burnout, so I won’t dwell on it. Suffice it to say, it’s a very bad feeling.

I sat and thought about my situation and realized that I didn’t like where I was and that I needed to do something about it.

In any situation, you always have two options. You can either change the situation itself or you can change your perception of it. The first one may be difficult or even impossible, while the second is simple but is often difficult to do. I recommend both but starting with your perception.

I didn’t know whom to ask for help, so I began by reading psychology books. It was a great choice because I learned that the simple statement I made at the beginning, “I did something bad = I’m bad,” is a flawed way of thinking. It comes mostly from child-parent relationships and transfers into daily life.

Thus, I need to change my thinking. I must transform “I did something wrong = I’m bad” into “I did something wrong = something wrong happened, and it doesn’t reflect who I am.” This sounds easy, but I was still unclear about how to put in place it.

These are the most popular steps you can find in books or blogs:

1. Set Clear Boundaries
2. Create a Designated Workspace
3. Limit Work Notifications
4. Schedule Breaks
5. Practice Mindfulness Techniques
6. Use Digital Tools
7. Set Priorities
8. Establish a Wind-Down Routine
9. Communicate with Loved Ones
10. Learn to Say No
11. Pursue Hobbies and Interests

I looked at it and thought that these are so obvious recommendations. “If you want a good life — live a good life”. Thank you, internet, it was really helpful.

My solution

Here’s what worked for me really really fast and efficiently. If it worked for you as well — please let me know in the comments.

During that time, I was involved in 3D art, and video game development, and studied writing. I decided to see these activities as individual projects and separate from myself. I imagined each project being managed by someone else, and I was merely a consultant who helped ensure their success.

So I started by reorganizing my Notion pages. I separated all things about me as a person and pages related to different projects into different workspaces.

Then I created logos and names for every project.

I stopped identifying myself solely as a 3D artist, producer (or whoever I was). Eventually, I stopped viewing myself as an artist altogether. 3D art became just one of many activities I engaged in. Instead of saying “I need to do this and that,” I started thinking, “This and that need to be done” by someone. Since there was no one else, I took on those tasks anyway. Whether I did an amazing or subpar job, it no longer reflected on me personally but rather on the characteristics of the project.

In reality, not much has changed the work I do. Yet, my perception of it has shifted. Surprisingly, it turned out even better than I expected.

First of all, I started feeling much better very quickly. If one of your projects isn’t perfect, it still feels fine – you have others. All of them have not to be perfect.

Second, this leads to think outside of the box.

Sometimes you think “Oh, I need to do this, but it’s so hard/boring/scary”. So you will find reasons not to do the thing. When you decompose the path to the desired result as a step-by-step guide and do not involve yourself in it, like you’re doing it for someone else, the result became more in line with reality. Basically, you became your own manager, and depending on the situation, you pick either manager or executioner position.

Thirdly, as a result of the previous point, it allowed me to consider how to turn those projects into businesses. Since you have a clear plan from start to finish, why not delegate some work to other people?

For the past 6 months, I have been working on these projects. By the time this text is posted, I will be very close to announcing and showcasing each of them individually. I will post updates and results on these projects. So, if you are interested, sign up for the newsletter at the bottom of this page.

In addition to these three points, during this time I noticed a few more slight changes, which combined make a noticeable difference:

• I improved my mental health. Boundaries between projects reduce stress and prevent burnout, leading to better mental well-being. Achievements in one project help reduce failures in others. So, in the end, my goal was achieved.
• Productivity was enhanced. Since I need to manipulate and push forward multiple projects I need to plan and execute more efficiently.
• More enhanced focus. You can fully immerse yourself in activities without distractions if you see everything as a (almost) equal project.
• Additional motivation for personal growth. Instead of just doing what you’re doing now you have multiple projects, every with their field for improvement. You get endless space to learn, and when you’re bored – you can always switch to another project.

Conclusion

There are many reasons why people become too attached to their jobs. Recognizing these reasons is the first step to separating yourself from your work.

It is important to separate your work from yourself to prevent burnout and reduced quality of life. Changing the perspective is the easiest step to make your life a little better, and it’s the best first step to actually change the situation.

I improved my mental health and job performance by adopting a mindset of being a consultant rather than identifying solely with my work. This simple (but not easy) change opened new possibilities for my life.

So you can do that too.